dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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