you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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