my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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