Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
