The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
