I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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