i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
