I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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