Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
