Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
