It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
its liver damage thursday
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
