3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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