She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
