it hurts more in the daytime
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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