Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
