no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
