Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
