My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
