I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
