Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
