batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
are you so shy because you have an std?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
There's always time for handjobs
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
