I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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