I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
