i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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