She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Your cock deserves a montage
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
