You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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