four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
