I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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