He asked me if I "almost moaned"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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