Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
