just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
