I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
