so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
tell me about the eggs
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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