my vag is so smooth its legendary
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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