Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You're a waste of cheezeits
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
