Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
