Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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