Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
