Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
