They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just high enough for therapy.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
