sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
