I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
