Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
