That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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