just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
