I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
a search helicopter?!
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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