Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
