I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
