i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
