she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
