Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
