my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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