Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
