i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
