Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
