dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
