I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
