I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
