I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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