My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
