i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
