just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
