today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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