I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
