just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
