my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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