Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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