Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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