Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
