I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
