Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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