When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Randomize
