There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
