Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
