Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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