I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
