I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
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I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
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If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize