I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize