in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
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Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
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just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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